Why Sh*t Happens
Well, it depends on who you ask. Some peeps say “hella yea” and some say “rubbish.” Of course Gawd doesn’t cause natural disasters, 1) because God doesn’t exist and 2) living on the-as the lol cats say-erffs causes natural disasters. Still, that doesn’t stop the unenlightened believers, as opposed to the enlightened believers (and yes, I do believe in the later-just not enuff of them tho), from spewing epic biblical hate and anti-scientific reasoning when natural disasters do happen.
I’m borrowing this from CNN Belief Blog. Check it out and be awesome.
Recently Japanese dude said all the happenings in Japan right now is because of “divine retribution for national egoism (CNN BB).” The U. S. of Evangelical, American translation is…Gawd did it. Well, if that is so, then God needs a personal assistant, because he’s not managing his time very well. But first, let’s take a looksie…
In 2009 Pat “I Can’t Believe You Said That, But I’m Not Surprised” Roberston said that the Haiti erff-quake was because, God the almighty, hated on Haitian peeps because they have a “pact with the devil.” Pat knows, because he talks directly to God. Not.
“I believe that New Orleans had a level of sin that was offensive to God, and they are – were recipients of the judgment of God for that,” says John Hagee. “J” is a Christian Zionist, which is fast becoming my favorite xtians. So that is why Katrina went all Katrina-y and f*cked up hella sh*t….and lives, yo.
I thought that Sept. 11 was a retaliation to decades of American foreign policy (and that is totally debatable), but Pat doesn’t. “I really believe that the pagans, and the abortionists, and the feminists, and the gays and the lesbians who are actively trying to make that an alternative lifestyle, the ACLU, People For the American Way, all of them who have tried to secularize America, I point the finger in their face and say, ‘You helped this happen,’.” The epic thingy about this blast is that he fit the ACLU in there. Wow.
This one is new to me. Abe “People Believe I Freed The Slaves, But I Really Did It For Political Reasons” Lincoln really believes that the Civil War (because it didn’t end at a certain time) was in Gods hands. “I am almost ready to say this is probably true – that God wills this contest, and wills that it shall not end yet,” he wrote. “He could give the final victory to either side any day – Yet the contest proceeds.” Maybe it didn’t end because hella peeps were still fighting. Just saying…
The Holocaust. I’m agonna leave this one alone. There are some things I will not joke about. “Nuff said.”
And lastly, which is really firstly…da da daaaaa, The Great Flood. Yes, the great flood (that never happened) is the O.G. of God “f-ing” sh*t up. I’m down for saying there may have been a pretty epic big local flood, but a world wide flood. C’mon now. If that were true then…all the sea life and river life would have died when the two waters mixed, there would be mineral deposits in places where there shouldn’t be, where did all the water come from and go after etc…
So, thanks CNN Belief Blog…Anyways…yea, chicken butt. Back to Gawd needs a personal assistant. If dude was truly so powerful why didn’t he create us without flaws. Just saying. Why is “G” d*ckening around in New Orleans (the music?) when hella children all over the world are dying of starvation. God, the all powerful and all knowing one, told Muslim dudes to train in piloting just so they could fly it into buildings in New York because…of the ACLU. Really! I’m totally laughing. Dude needs to prioritize.
Howz about some cutting with Oscam’s razor. Science, ya know that thingy skeptics keeps bringing up, knows that there are weather patterns. While we/they cannot totally accurately predict when violent weather will happen exactly, they do know pretty much how the patterns are all, mmm, patern-y. While Katrina was totally unfortunate, N.O. is in a flood plain, surrounded by levies and in hurricane country. The happenings in Japan, first were caused because they are on a huge fault line. Everything happened afterwards because of that. The erffs is a geographically violent place. there has always been messed up weather, whether it be hurricanes or earthquakes, and there will always be. Volcanoes do not errupt because God is mad that people are having sex a certain way, that sh*t happens because the centre of erffs is a molten core that can “pop out” in certain places where there is too much pressure. Finally, life here on earth will end some day, not because of ancient prophecy prophesied from illiterates, but because the erffs is next to the finite sun.
If there was an all powerful God or Gawd, then why would this sh*t happen (don’t say we cannot understand the mind of God-that is childish). Howz about giving science credit. If established churches don’t want to give credit to the peer review process and the knowledge obtained from that, then why not put religious beliefs to that kind of scrutiny…because it will not pass. And…and, if there was an all powerful God, we know that he is watching India v. Pakistan in Cricket.
* Awesomeness. I’d like to thank all the peeps that have had concern for me and my epic bad depression/anxiety. I feel much much better today and I feel positive. I couldn’t do this