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Jesus Is My Wingman

I hate it went dumpy, ugly dudes ‘roll’ with hotties, like the real Jesus (above) and the hottie, Mary Magdelene.

“Mary Magdalene’s hair may be rendered as red (Wiki).”  “I’m down for that (Me).”

I have the organizational skills of a ….stoner. Really, I wonder why. I can take two or three articles, combine them and then add my super liberal, atheist opinion to it (and that is what I do most days, it’s called blogging). Yesterday, and the day before, I watched the documentary from BBC called Was Jesus A Buddhist Monk. It is packed with great, and new to me, info. I think you should watch it. But honestly, it is a little bit much for me to process.

Yea girl, I’ll some blood of Christ, but you have to have some too…”then we’ll see what happens (wink wink).”

If my interbutz homie and fellow blogger, Christine, can be Hot For Jesus because she is a Former Fundie (“provides hottie Jesus eye candy”), then all thingies being equal, I can want me some of that (excuse my French)…red pussy. Oh yea buddy. Jesus of Nazareth is the man…and a freak. If I were around back in the day me and JC would have been eachother’s  wing men. If the Son of God is rolling with the hotties, and supposedly “repentant prostitutes”, then I’m going to be right next to him.

Is that BREAST I see. Don’t tell Bill “I always have my panties in a bunch” Donohue.

So something funny happened on the way to the Empty Tomb (that is my attempt at a joke), and that is not good for Mary Magdalene fans. Besides the inconsistent mentions in those four male dominated gospels (she is alone at the tomb, no, no she is with angels…), and the mentions are very sparse, the church hierarchy squashed the Mary Magdalene Movement. Jerks.

C’mon now, you wouldn’t get down with THAT. Hello, I’m Kriss.

Growing up Catholic the only things I heard about “M-squared” was that she was a ho, and not the digging kind. We were indoctrinated to look down on her and shake our heads with sorrow. Jesus was cool because he was so powerful as to have love and kindness for someone like that. Little did we know that she had her own gospel-The Gospel of Mary Magdalene. Why, well because she was the “closest” of all of Jesus’ disciples. Rumor has it that Mary got the “secret” teachings while Team Disciple-Bro got the vanilla. Those who constructed the bible added many things after the fact, and they sure did omit a lot of things also. The Pagan religions that preceded Christianity were goddess based. It wasn’t until the powers that be wanted to consolidate power did they go the misogyny route.  I can see why they were jealous, and yes, they were jealous.

The thingy is that JC didn’t look like that, but did Mary?

 So jealous in fact that the male dominated church went all slander-y on poor Mary and started calling her a ho. It is debated whether she was indeed a prostitute or if the boys club of Christ just called her that to “up their stock” and authority while at the same time doing the opposite for Mary. Remember there were hella gospels before Roman Emperor Constantine complied the first bible. 28 books made the cut, many did not: like the Gospel of Judas, Simon and Mary.

 Before the Christian-y philosophy took over the ancient peeps were closer to nature. Pagan peeps celebrated the cycles of the seasons, they celebrated the power of the Goddess. As Christianity grew and evolved it took the peeps further and further away from nature and the natural. The single most controversial thingy about Mary M is, get ready for this (da da daaaa), she was married to Jesus and they may had kids-a bloodline. If Jesus was indeed human, then wouldn’t he have been, ya know, “doin’ it.” I think so. What is more natural than that thing between a man and a woman. Why is it so bad that a human Jesus had feelings and desires, just like anyother. Why, why, why.

The documentary from BBC is soooooo entertaining. Who would-a thunk these things (certainly not an indoctrinated Catholic kid like me). Some believe that Mary skedaddled to the South of France and/or India after that whole cross thing.  After the supposed Ressurection, The documentary states that there was no ascension, meaning that JC did not rise in the air to go meet his dad. What did he do…he went to go hang out with his pretty lady (and also escape from Roman forces cause if they found out he was alive, they would have crucified him again).

Is this stuff true, false. I don’t know, I’m agnostic about it. It certainly is entertaining to ponder, tho.
* Mary Magdalene wiki

* The Gospel of Mary

* Popular Mechanics The Real Jesus…he kind of ugly. Yuck.

* Lost Gospels


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