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I’ll Pop Your Lips Now (Apocalypse Now)

If you see THIS, be very afraid.

WTF. As I look around, all I can say is What The F*ck. First of all I slept in. I never sleep in. If I’m laying in bed and Colin Cowherd (ESPN) comes on the radio then I know half the day is over because it’s 7am. Sheez. So while I was R.E.M.-ing there must have been pigs flying, there must have been. Why, just look at the news.

Yesterday, Religion News Service went to the presses with a story about the 1.8 million dollar study commissioned by the nations Roman Catholic Bishops. Since the horrible horrible, unimaginable Catholic Abuse Scandal broke out conservatives have blamed gay priests, while libertards have blamed the all male celibate culture. According to the study both are wrong because obviously the culprit is…Woodstock. Look out the window now, pigs flying(?). Yes, the 60’s, 70’s, and into the 80’s, with their sexual revolution, civil rights, feminism and all, the reason(s) why adult leaders put their adult peepers into mostly young boys is the counter culture of that booming baby generation.  They could have given me the money. I can make up crap also.

It’s spring time and yes, I have spring fever. Maria…”M” baby, it’s me Kriss. Give me a call. You deserve me (and that is a very good, muscular, kind and gentle thing). Sozzzz, go buy a six pack, come over and we’ll see what happens (wink wink).

Back to the news…Pigs flying, focus, Kriss…don’t look at that picture. Anyways…One of the signs of the apocalypse, or as I call it “I’ll pop your lips” is disasters left and right, both natural and manmade. Let’s not forget that whole thingy in Japan. While American media has the attention span of about a month, international media does not and is still reporting on the Fukushima Plant. HNK News Japan is really good and so is Al Jazeera and their crew of hotties (Ouch and hello).

Mother Nature is getting revenge right now and that is not a good thing. Peeps in Mississippi are staying in shelters and losing land, homes and their livelihoods to a mighty river that is taking it’s flood plane back. The decision to flood smaller communities and sparing the larger ones is toooottttaallly Would You Kill The Fat Man. Should we make a sacrifice for the sum total of happiness. Apparently so. Good luck Mississippi peeps.

Don’t forget that all this End of Times madness was brought to us from that wacky Christian radio broadcaster in Bezerkeley. Check out his wacky site, but also…What about all the End of Times, throughout time, that didn’t end anything. Team Atheist you have to check this one out, after all, We Can Know.

I’m not near a window right now, but in my heart, I know, I know, there are pigs flying. This time it is because of that abusive mom that gave her 8 year old daughter botox injections. Dramatic pause…shake your head WTF…take a deep breadth, OK here we go. Mommy of the year reasoned that it will prevent wrinkles in the future and it will help her win beauty pageants and become a star later in life. This is why everyone should know science, in this case genetics. If the abusive mom knew genetics then she would know that because she is fat (let’s call it like it is), then her daughter will be fat. Really.

Finally, the real reason why this is a Flying Pigs inspired post…here it comes, steady, steady…exploding watermelons.

The signs are all around, we just have to open our eyes. I know I’m supposed to be on Team Skeptic and all but I’m starting to have my doubts-I’m getting scared (Maria, I need to be held.). I think it’s just like believing in God. All the signs are there, we just have to open our eyes and put aside all that intellectual-y stuffs. If we do that, then we can have God as an answer…and, we’ll be able to detect Russell’s Teapot, and the best part, we will be able to see those nasty dirty flying pigs. Not.

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