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The Faux Bible

Ramen to that…err, that’s not what I believe.

I saw this the other day and thought that it was amusing. Guess what, peeps do not know the bible. Really. The worst part is that the people that should know the bible the best and the most, do not. And the worst worst worst part (that’s worst squared) is that when peeps are trying to save you nonexistent soul, which really means they are wasting your time and annoying you, and they are bible spewing…they frackin’ get it wrong. Sheez.

Here are some of the most often ‘flubbed’ bible verses: “God helps those who help themselves”, “spare the rod, spoil the child (I particularly hate that one-fucking pieces of shit-I still hate you)”, and even the scene in the good book where the snake-y snake Satan tempts Eve with that delicious apple. What is the up with these so called bible verses…they are no where to be found in the bible. They are made-y made up (dam, that one didn’t work). They are made up, but peeps really think that they are in the bible.

“Most people who profess a deep love of the Bible have never actually read the book,” says Rabbi Rami Shapiro. Ouch. Fo sho there is, what this article calls, widespread biblical ignorance. the people that should totally be reading the bible are not, and they have not. One professor gives this example: in class he quotes from somthing like 2 Hesitations 4:5, then he waits till someone says something (“something”).

To confuse matters even more are the bible verses that are pretty close, but no cigar-o.“God works in mysterious ways,” and “Cleanliness is next to Godliness.” we have all heard those, right. Well, we also heard them wrong. Aaaaaaaaaa.

Both sound as if they are taken from the Bible, but they’re not. The first is a paraphrase of a 19th century hymn by the English poet William Cowper (“God moves in a mysterious way, His wonders to perform) (CNN Belief).”

The clean your room passage was invented by an 18th century evangelist John Wesley. It sounds really (here goes another attempt)…bible-y that is why that passage, and those like that catch on. Really, ya can’t blame peeps fer that. In fact, if a verse is tweet worthy, that is, if a verse can be paraphrased and made more concise without losing the meaning…then that is awesome sauce.

For example “Spare the rod, spoil the child” is really (13:24) “The one who withholds [or spares] the rod is one who hates his son.” “Pride goes before a fall.” is really Proverbs 16:18, “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.”

What it comes down to is that the peeps often don’t know what they are talking about (and I’ll be honest here, that goes for theist/nontheist) when quoting from the Good Book. I really wish I was one of those awesome atheist that could pull a (contradicting) bible verse out of thin air when debating/talking to believers, but I am not. Any-who…it’s not my responsibility to know the bible…I’m on Team Atheist.

Awesome sauce.

H/T to Sue at Ex Fundamentalist. Thanks buddy

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