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Thank You Epic Articles On Michele "Crazy Eyes" Bachmann

Isn’t Google wonderful (the answer is, yes).

 Wow, I do not know where to start on this one. OK, here we go. First of all there are epic articles  in Salon and the Daily Beast about presidential hopeful, Michele “Crazy Eyes” Bachmann. I have written about Crazy eyes before, but not like this. These articles are great examples of what I want this blog to be (and ya man, the kind of writer that I would like to be). There are so many juicy factoids it is confusing my already confused mind. There is the bathroom controversy, her evangelical status and the kids-don’t forget the kids. Check it out, yo.

First of all the voters should know about the bathroom incident. If this sh*t doesn’t come up over and over again in interview after interview…then politics is corrupt and the media is in the pocket of politicians (let’s hope that that is not the case).

In 2005, Crazy Eyes was giving a talk somewhere and afterwards two peeps wanted to ask her questions because they saw her in the bathroom. Reports say that after engaging Crazy Eyes for no longer than one minute she, Crazy Eyes, started screaming “Help! Help! I’m being held against my will!” She even said the “kidnapped” word…which is kidnapped. The two peeps in the bathroom were, like, WTF and when it went to court later the judge said nothing like that went down and Crazy Eyes is…crazy (1).

What did they want to talk about, same sex marriage. Ya see, Crazy eyes is an evangelical Christian and same sex marriage is a no no way to them. So, for 40-50 seconds and being asked questions by (maybe) two lesbians in the bathroom, to an evangelical Christian like Crazy eyes, that is being kidnapped. Sheez.

I’ve got to learn how to make my own captions. Seems like so much fun.

Did I mention that she is an evangelical Christian. Those are the ones that believe that the bible is a historical document: like Genesis, The Great Flood and The Exodus. They also believe that he will return in our lifetimes, because it was promised in the bible that he would return in their lifetimes (dude is 2000 years late). So that means that she is down for believing that the good ‘ol U S of A should be a theocracy and even that the founding fathers intended that. She is a follower of the Christian faux historian, David Barton, who recently said that the founding fathers rejected Darwinism, even tho Darwins theory of evolution thru natural selection had not even come out yet (I can’t make that sh*t up man, here’s the link).

“Michele Bachmann says certain things that sound crazy to the general public,” says author Frank Schaeffer, “But to anybody raised in the environment of the evangelical right wing, what she says makes perfect sense (Thanks Daily Beast).”

(The Daily Beast one more time) “A key moment in her political evolution, as for many of her generation, was the film series How Should We Then Live by the theologian Francis Schaeffer, who is widely credited for mobilizing evangelicals against abortion, an issue most had previously ignored. A Presbyterian minister, Schaeffer argued that our entire perception of reality depends on our worldview, and that only those with the right one can understand the true nature of things. Christianity, he argued, is “a whole system of truth, and this system is the only system that will stand up to all the questions that are presented to us as we face the reality of existence.” Theories or assertions from outside this system—evolution, for example—can be dismissed as the product of mistaken premises.”

Theocracy anyone. No thanks for me.

In the lamestream media there have been several callings out of Bachmann’s misspeaks and historical flubs. If you thought Sarah Palin was uneducated…well, you’re correct. Any-who, recently Crazy Eyes said that Paul Revere was riding on that dam stinking horse all night to…warn the British. OooooKkkaaaaayyyy. Because she is a disciple of faux historian, David Barton, she believes that the founding fathers intended this country to be a specifically Christian nation, under rule of Gawd. And wasn’t it Crazy Eyes, a couple of months back (check me on this one you guys) that said in front of an auditorium of law school students that there is no separation of church in state in the constitution. Yes, I believe that she said that. Another misspeak is about her million gazillion foster children.

If you are unfortunate enuff to see some of Crazy Eyes media coverage, then undoubtedly you have heard her talk about how she (pretty much) single handedly raised 23 foster children. Forget that her counselor husband has a very lucrative career counseling and praying away the gay for all those unfortunate gays out there (they really believe that you can pray away the gay and that it is a choice. sheez), and that when you have foster children the government gives you money….no, no, she raised 23 foster children. Or did she.

“Bachmann often says she has “raised” 23 foster children. That may be a bit of a stretch. According to the Minnesota Department of Human Services, Bachmann’s license, which she had for 7 1/2 years, allowed her to care for up to three children at a time. According to Kris Harvieux, a former senior social worker in the foster-care system in Bachmann’s county, some placements were almost certainly short term. “Some of them you have for a week. Some of them you have for three years, some you have for six months,” says Harvieux, who also served as a foster parent herself. “She makes it sound like she got them at birth and raised them to adulthood, but that’s not true (you sexy Beast you).”

Ok, sheez, in my weakened state I have grown weary of the BS. This is so important peeps. Remember when we had the fear of Sarah “The Barracuda” Palin getting into a position of power…well this is exactly like that. The thingy about it is is that the lamestream media (the peeps that I really heart, with all my heart) is touting her as an intellectual Sarah Palin. Oh Nowwzzzzzzz.

One part of me says ya, go ahead and run. You will be exposed, the cream rises to the top, the voters will choose the best peep, the best candidate will win and that everything will be OK. Another part of me thinks…I believe that people are also so stupid as to elect someone batsh*t crazy, just like Crazy Eyes, to the most important office in the world.

We’ve gots some work to do folks.

(1) One of the peeps in the bathroom was a retired nun, 5.2, and she wanted to ask her a question. She said…

“What an amazing imagination…Her ideology is so powerful that she can construct a reality just on a moment’s notice.”

That means that she is so homophobic that to be in the presence of GLBT’rs she is instantly under attack; by their mere presence. It would be like being in the same room as a black person and yelling rape over and over. WTF. This person is running for the most important position in the world. This is a job for Team Atheist.

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