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The Presbyterian Church of Selective Biblical Passages

Here’s a variation on that famous Woody Allen statement…(by me btw)…I wouldn’t want to be a member of a club that didn’t want me as a member. And that, ladies and germs, is what is ado in the Presbyterian Church. Almost like a homophobic mirror that reflects exactly what is going on here in the States, the Presbyterian Church is in a state of disarray, they are split and divided. What is it that they are divided on…the gays.

Yes those super powerful gays (and the entire GLBT community), ya know with their hurricane, tornado, earthquake and flooding powers, as well as very preppy and clean good looks, are destroying the Presbyterian Church,,,or are they.

Here in my backyard, the super sunny and perfect weather’d Sac Town, Fair Oaks Presbyterian Church was the first major congregation to split from the mainstream church over the ordaining of GLBT clergy. If fact, the split is happening all over the country and believers are picking sides. On one side some believers are saying that all God’s children are created equal and on the other side they are saying gays begone, so sayith the Lord.

This is the part of being in a club that doesn’t want me, you, us as members. Those vague passages that peeps use to discriminate against GLBT’rs are…well, vague at best-but that certainly doesn’t stop them from using it to discriminate. God himself said get out of my club, you are not wanted, you are a sinner because you have a certain kind of sex and that is bad.

It is exactly like black peeps, now and back in the day, that practice Christianity. Back in the day slave owners and politicians used the bible to justify slavery. The bible made it OK. Sure it was Christianity that was influential in redemption and the freeing of the slaves, but if we are to give credit to Christianity for that, then we also have to give credit for putting slaves in that position in the first place. The same thingy is going on with GLBT and the Presbyterian Church. 

Which is it. Does God not want the GLBT in clergy position in the church or not. Depends on which side you ask. Are all gods creatures created equal, or are all Gods creatures created equal…except women, GLBT , other religions, infidels and animals. Well, howz about asking the third side, the atheist side.

“It is the biggest upheaval I have ever seen,” said the Rev. Donald Baird of Fremont Presbyterian Church the largest in the area. “This is my worst nightmare. What does it mean when those openly violating Scripture are ordained (Sac Bee)?”

Yeaaaaa, what does it mean to openly violate scripture. Let’s see. If you pick up sticks on Sunday, then God will kill you. If you get married and are not a virgin, God will kill you. What if peeps don’t want to be ruled by you, then God will kill you (thanks Luke 19:27). What if you are hungry, well, then eat the flesh of your sons and daughters (see that, it’s not only atheists that eat babies. Thanks Leviticus 26:29). The point that I’m trying to make is that when one cherry picks from the bible, when one selects certain passages to live by and then ignore others, then that my dear, kind, gentle and very goodlooking readers, that is dookie.

So the Presbyterian Church has selected certain passages to live by, vague passages that may or may not mean that homosexuality is an abomination, while totally ignoring others (I can hear some believer saying, F*ck that, I’ll pick up sticks any f*ckin’ time I want, yo. awesome.). So, if I wuz the gay would I want to belong to the club called the Presbyterian Cherry Pickers Church of Selective Biblical Passages…fuck that, yo.

* Check out the super awesome Skeptics Annotated Bible, if you dare. Ha ha ha ha haaaaaaa.

* A little more clear headed today for those out there keeping score. Still, I don’t have confidence in this post. I feel like I could have written it in a shorter amount of time and could have been less scatterbrained about it. I’m not sure I got my point across and…I’m not sure what my point is. Just like that great song from the 80’s says, “Life is a big struggle, but never give in (randomly kick things and punch them in frustration, but don’t give in).”

* Article on slavery and the bible. Huff Po Religion.

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