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The Glimpse

I Googled Greek Goddess and this came up. These ladies do not compare.

Sooooo, yea, I made a promise to write about how I had my Francis Collins moment last Friday, and I will, but not today. What can I say, I’m a guy, guys lie and it’s your fault for believing me. Howz about something positive, err, yea, it’s positive. Check it out.

Right as I was getting off of work from my weekend job, the job that I do because they pay me with a meal, a pack of cigarettes and one, just one beer for my break at the pizza shop downstairs (dam, sometimes that pizza sure smells good) and wouldn’t you know it, it (1) happened. My buddy, a totally tuff looking Harley biker dude had concern and asked, “Are you OK my friend.” Sobbing and hyperventilating at the same time I said, “No.” Any who, I got off of work and got on my bike to head home.

So I didn’t have any money (I did have cigarettes, and for that I am grateful) but I decided to see if my homies were working at the restaurant. Those dudes are usually good for a beer and some conversation, or in my case lately, no conversation. “Dude why are your eyes so red.” I explained and my good homie (thanks #teambro) floated me one delicious and cold and beautiful and wonderful and tasty and so awesome…beer (my joke has always been to hold up a glass of beer, holding it gently and saying, “Beer, will you marry me?”)(2). I wasn’t up for any conversation so I opened my book and did the Kriss trick of looking like I’m reading, but I’m not-I just want to stare  at the space between the letters and have privacy. But out of the corner of my eye…

I could see The Greek Goddess(3) out of the corner of my eye and I turned in my chair to ‘see better.’ Across the street is pretty far but I was, like, 90% certain it was her (and the something positive part is totally coming up). So what happens, of course my mind starts racing; err, my mind was already racing, but now it had a new subject-The Greek Goddess. For the past couple of months, maybe even longer, fo sho I don’t keep track anymore, I have been in isolation mode. I never get privacy, even before this episode of depression, and as of lates I have been pushing peeps away, talking less and sharing even less than that. This is the awesome part…I had a thought, it was just an idea, a whim if you will, that I should finish my beer and go over to The Greek Goddess and …talk to her.

It may seem really insignificant, but really kind gentle and very goodlooking readers, it is frackin’ huge. A freakin’ thought! Talking to peeps is something I’ve been doing for, like, ever. You can’t be a barista and not have the gift of gab-it is totally required. As of late, there has been no gabbing, and the gift of it is anything but-shooting the sh*t, small talk and everyday conversation is a torturous chore that I would rather avoid at all costs. But not this time (Sunday early evening). This time I had a frackin’ idea, a frackin’ thought. That is what all the cool kids call progress.

Seriously, the last couple of months the only thing that I have been able to feel is hate thru frustration (and I’m totally not exaggerating) and I have been closing myself up and off to the general public and even my friends. To have a thought, a simple thought, a frackin’ idea, an idea that was so common a couple of months ago I would not have even thought about it…go talk to someone Kriss, answer their questions, ask them some question, listen and be listened to. Like I said, that is progress.

It is small, but I’ll take it. So far I feel pretty good today (morning is the best time). Yesterday I had a glimpse of normalcy. I felt like the Old Kriss, the Kriss that is nice to people, the Kriss that shoots the sh*t with people…not Nu Kriss (the guy that I admit is a d*ck) In the past couple of months, a glimpse at normalcy is all I get, a couple of minutes on what became a pleasent Sunday evening, I’ll take it. Hopefully it keeps happening.

(1) “it” is the super sh*tty nervous breakdown(s) that f*ckin’ sucks rocks. I hate it so much.

(2) When I say ‘floated’ I mean dude paid for it with his tips. I may be depressed, but I’m still pro small business.

(3) The Greek Goddess looks like Jenifer Aniston, but better. The best part is that she is really smart and she is totally studying science right now, lot’s of it. I think peeps look at her shape, the blond hair and the pretty face and think typical and cliche things about her…and yes, I did go over and talk to her.

* I’m totally itching for some good ‘ol New Atheists post next. It’s just I only have the capacity to do very little right now. I’m just happy to be able to squeeze out one post a day. Wish me luck.

Team Atheist Forever

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